


The Poem

by Sahirva_Lonys



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, came out with more feels for me than I thought, kinda fluffy?, ratings are for just a little swearing, second ever work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sahirva_Lonys/pseuds/Sahirva_Lonys
Summary: A certain incident forces Izaya to try being romantic for a day. Kind of, in his way. And not really for a whole day. Or half. He tries, really he does.





	1. The Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this little idea, and then Fwooompsh! THIS fell out. And I recognize that because I love it, I may not be objective, but I super love it. It's mostly written, so the rest will be out real quick. The first chapter may be a little misleading as to the full length, 2, 3 and 4 will be short. I hope you can enjoy it!

“I just- it’s hard sometimes, you know? It’s not, I love him, but it really is some moments.”

“Yeah, I know.” Rubbing his forehead through his beanie, Kadota valiantly listens to his friend. He wants to lend a helping hand, and an ear to his friend when he needs to let this stuff out, it’s just always weird hearing about Izaya’s love life. It’s Shizuo’s too, but it’s the Izaya part that’s too weird to fully get past. Celty is incredible, this is most often her job. Still, he gives fair advice, he thinks, even if it’s usually the same thing.

“Talk to him about it. I know he doesn’t always listen, but sometimes he needs to be pushed. Corner him if you have to. If he’s that into his work, it might be a while before he pulls himself far enough out on his own again to be considered healthy.”

Shizuo sighed out, “You’re right. And I know that, too. I guess the real issue is we’ve been good for so long this time, that when he didn’t come out of it quickly, I just left it be. And kept leaving it be until it really wasn’t.”

“Yeah, that happens. You know that’s fine though, right? There is no magic relationship where things stop coming up that need to be worked out now and then.”

“I do. It just feels shitty when I barely see him for weeks, and get into that mindset of wondering if he’s stopped caring. He’s out, out of nowhere, in the wind. I thought we- I, no fuck it, I’m saying we, were past that. He just doesn’t seem to put in the effort I do to maintaining this, I’m the romantic one in this relationship. I’m not even that romantic, it’s just by comparison. Even though I knew he was the selfish, high-maintenance type to start with. It makes me think…”

Kadota understood this was the tail-end of the vent, for listening, not advising, and so dutifully stood, and listened, and let Shizuo get it all out.

“…What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”

Yeah, listening over. “Shizuo, I understand, and I’m here to tell you there’s no way. Any force strong enough to make /him/ fall in love in the first place as much as I’ve seen he is with you, not going anywhere.”

Shizuo let out a deep breath in relief. “Yeah. Even I have my insecure moments though. But even if that did happen, he wouldn’t bother coming back to sleep at our place if that was the case. He has safehouses. Thanks for listening Kadota, sometimes you just have to say stuff. Or things get broken.”

“I hear you, man.”

“Thanks. You want to go get that drink now?”

“Absolutely.”

A slim red-eyed man turns away, back down the alley he came from. He had very important things to do, and suddenly less very important things to cancel or postpone.

 

Walking to the bar, Shizuo started to feel guilty. Izaya was in the wrong, but it took two. “…I know he puts in effort, it’s just harder for him. We wouldn’t have worked this far if he didn’t. ”

“I know, but don’t justify your rants. It’s not good for you. Vents are for venting, not seeing their side. You’re a good guy, you see his side the rest of the time.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time, my friend.”

////////////////////////////

A few days later, Shizuo wakes up and Izaya still isn’t there, still with no sign of even having gotten into the bed. He looks up at his steadfast companion, the ceiling, for the third morning in a row, morosely wondering if he can just stay in bed all day. Just when he was finally going to just grab him, and make them talk.

More concerning, this isn’t norm, even for a busy work schedule. Izaya usually at least comes home for at least an hour or two out of every 24, leaving some sign he’s been there. At worst, maybe he goes up to 30 hours on a long job once in a two week period. It’s been 72+, what the hell. A dark voice in his head starts whispering unhappy thoughts, but Shizuo pushes it out of his mind. Worst comes to worst, he’ll hunt the flea down. He’s done it before. Yeah, it’s that simple now to get up and do it.

Bolstering his spirits, he lets out a final groan and sits up. Getting dressed, he notices a flash of colour from the doorknob he didn’t notice before. Hanging there, is a red pouch. Warily, Shizuo approaches. Finding no obvious traps, he looks inside. It’s paper. But thicker, paper, not cardboard, more the fancy kind for official things and royal invitations.

He takes them out, to find five fair-sized cards bound by a red satin ribbon and writing in beautiful yet remarkably legible calligraphy (a rare talent).

The first and front card-page read: "What you Know, and how much you Don't"

"...He got fancy with this." Shizuo mumbled absently to himself. There was no doubt in his mind of who this was from, only why it was here and what it said. Fully awake, but with a slowness like sleep haze, he reflected on the days before Izaya left. Had he been right that Izaya wasn't just busy, but wrong about the reasons? Had he done something wrong?

The hesitation lasted only a minute though, Shizuo being a man of actions more than looping thoughts. Unlike his insane boyfriend, which is why he came up with needlessly roundabout ways like this to show he was mad. Honestly, who had the time to put in this much effort of going out to get the fancy paper and satin ribbon, writing out just _gorgeous _calligraphy by hand, and tying the ribbon just-so perfectly to say "Hey, I'm pissed, here's how I think you fucked up."__

Again.

Does Izaya have some secret discount card to a crafting arts store or something? Isn’t he supposed to be suuuuper busy right now?!?

Slowly, like it might slither around to snap at him, Shizuo untied the ribbon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, it's nearly all written, it should come out in the following days. I'd like to hear any comments, because I want to write well, and learn, so if you have any, go for it! But I'm scared, so please be gentle. Thanks for reading!


	2. First Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curse you inspiration! Why strike me right at the precipice of Midterm season! It's like it waits... It _knows_... But it's a good break that makes me happy, so I guess I'll allow it.

_You know my favourite colour is red_  
_You know it's the colour of my humans' blood, anger, and violence_  
_You know it's the colour of their adultery and foolish desires I expose and profit from_  
_You know it's the colour of your blood_  
_You know it's the colour of mine_

_You don't know it wasn't always my favourite colour  
You don't know I loved all colours (except yellow) equally until a certain day in high school_

_You know I hate yellow_

_You don't always seem know the yellow I hate and blond are not the same thing at all. Hair is not paint or clothes Dumbass._

A scoffed chuckle. Of course he went for the 'artistic' capitalizing of an 'important' word. And an almost medieval over the top capital letter, too.

_You don't know the first colour **I** have always associated with you is red_  
_You don't know I had never associated myself particularly with red before then either_  
_You don't know how or why I shivered when it occurred to me we have the same colour blood_  
_You don't know when I first had that thought, just how long I repressed it (It wasn't **then** , like you think)_

Shizuo is honestly dumbstruck. This is Izaya, but in something he would never make. Until he did. This… is like nothing Izaya has ever attempted before, more than any… There are three more pages? What else did he write? Are they all like this? Izaya did this much, tried this hard, against himself, just for Shizuo?

No wonder he’d ghosted for three days, if this was what he’d been doing. No way he’d ever get this out anywhere near people, likely he wouldn’t have even been able to look Shizuo in the eye from mere intent to do so. It was even impressive, less than one day per page.

The other pages. What was on them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned, these next few will be pretty short, just the page and a little reaction, Shizuo doesn't have the capacity for much else right now. >.<  
> I think I want to only release one a day, even though they're so short, that's just what feels right to me. Sorry. It also gives me good spacing for final touch-ups.  
> Thank you so much for giving this a look, it'll all be out soon. :)


	3. Second Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I forgot yesterday that today's the weekend, yay! So I'm putting out the next two instead of just one, and they are just short little guys.

_You know I make a delicious carrot cake with cream cheese icing_  
_You know I learnt it in a cooking class to get close to a yakuza spy_  
_(Weirdo fool. Who jeopardizes life for the ‘secrets’ to basic carrot cake and risotto.)_

_You know it's the only not-sweet enough cake I can bear (without the icing)_

_You don't know that was actually 5 months ago, not 4 years_  
_You don't know there were much easier ways to do the job_  
_You don't know even I needed a little more practice at home to get it that good_  
_You don't know I can hide the scent of fresh baked cake in our own home so completely from you, with proper motivation_  
_You don't know how much taste-testing comparison to that 5 star carrot cake you like it took_  
_You don't know I still hate carrot cake too, just marginally less_

__

_You do know lying with the truth is my preferred style, and plausible deniability is my best friend_

Shizuo almost feels like crying, but he can't. This is probably special calligraphy ink that'll run if it gets wet and ruin it. It’s not Shakespeare, or Emily Dickinson, but it’s what Izaya really feels and thinks, little snippets of things he never planned to say put on paper. Shizuo wants to keep every word, every curve of every letter. He knows there's no way in hell Izaya will write this for him again.  
...In fact, maybe he should start thinking of counter-plans to stop Izaya from burning this as soon as he knows it's been read.


	4. Third Page

_You know how it’s hard to be vulnerable_  
_You know it’s hard for me to be close_  
_You still don’t know all the reasons why, and let me have that_  
_You know eventually you’ll know it all_

_You don’t know what that means to me_  
_You don’t know everything you mean to me_  
_You know how much I mean to you_  
_You know it’s probably like that, and go with it_  
_You know who I am and aren’t disgusted it, accepting it instead_  
_You know I know who you are and don’t fear it, even liking it_  
_You know sometimes I like it too much and accept that_  
_You know I’m rambling at this point_  
_You don’t know how much more unfocused and rambling it could get, there’s so much on this train of thought I could fly off the rails with_

__

_You know by now I suck at this,_ “No you don’t.” Shizuo whispered. _but also_  
_You know I suck at being at all genuine or honest most of the time, and that part’s going okay_  
_You know more than you don’t in this one, and that kind of ticks me off_  
_You knew that already too, didn’t you, Jerk_

Shizuo laughs, he can’t help it. He did know that. Now, he just needs a minute. Or a day. Or forever. Or Izaya. A minute, then Izaya forever, he thinks would be best. But there's one more page, he should really finish that first.


	5. Last Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand it’s all out! A couple little tweaks here and there, but I think I’m really really happy with how it turned out. ^.^ Enjoy!

_You know we've been together 3 years_  
_You don't know each year has changed me enough and given me enough to give back one small page of this genuine crap_  
_You definitely know that's the limit, though_  
_You don't know it's taken me these three days just to get this all out (but you probably could have guessed, maybe you have by now)_

_You know I won't try to kill you or anything else to really hurt you, even if you tell someone about this_  
_You don't know what I will do_  
_You know you don't want to_

_You know I'm not a romantic person, and difficult_  
_You don't know I heard you talking to Kadota the other day_

_I know you love me_  
_I don't always know you love me_  
_I know you have the same problem_

_I hope this clears things up_

Time ceases to have meaning as Shizuo reads it over more times than he remembers to count. As he finally comes out of it, accepting this is real, he is indeed awake and the clock’s about some hours later than he might have thought. Well, he needed to process, and bask. Still does, but he also needs food. And Izaya. Yeah, screw food, he needs Izaya first, NOW.

After making sure to put the pages somewhere safe, which takes a lot longer and is done with a lot more care than throwing on whatever basic clothes he finds first, Shizuo charges downstairs. He’s ready to run himself ragged across this whole damn city and beyond if he has to, to—

To find Izaya perched on a kitchen stool, knees pressed to his chest, hands clenched on his wrists wrapped around his ankles. There’s also quite an expanse of breakfast supplies, food and utensils, arrayed out over the island and counter by the stove.

"Well? I was nice and did the prep work for you this time. Are you going to make me some fancy breakfast or what?"

Shizuo wants to grab him now, but knows Izaya. He knows he'll have been here longer than the few hours it took him to come around; stewing over Shizuo's reaction, wondering when he's going to wake up, when he's going to come down, if he even saw the poem yet. Shizuo can see the barely hidden tension in every edge of the man he's usually incredibly lucky to have, and swears if he moves too fast he'll hiss and yowl and bolt straight out the window. High floor be damned, they’ve both scaled buildings before. Too bad for Izaya, Shizuo only had the 2 seconds of self-control in him it took to have those thoughts. He ran to the stool, Izaya starting to lean away with a frenzied look on his face, and hugged him for all he was worth.

"Thanks- for prepping." He got out, somehow managing to sound only half choked.

His darling terror let go of the worst of his stressed rigidity to respond, also somehow managing to sound somewhat less than half choked. Well, he had more practice.

"Well, I suppose I do love you, so I can muster this much now and then."

"Yeah?"

Iza glares, from his yet-to-uncurl position, before remarking witheringly "You're _supposed_ to say 'I-"

"I love you too Izaya. More than ever, always will."

Izaya took a quick steadying breath, trying to resume his normal sass levels. "As in always will love me, to an unspecified degree, or always will love me more than ever, as in to an increasing degree?"

Well it had been a trying few days, he’d give himself a break and settle for mildly exasperating, nitpicking on small details.

"Both"

Izaya scowled, but continued to relax, leaning back (as much as Shizuo allowed) and to the side to thwump his chin onto one hand, elbow in the island, legs carpenter-style. A little awkward position-wise with the giant still clinging to him, but he didn’t mind.

"It can't be both."

"Yes it can." Came the reply from Izaya’s shoulder, muffled by his sweater.

"Shizu-chan, I will not even begin the suggestion of a childish back and forth on this. Because no it can't, you're wrong, shut up."

"I love you."

“…I love you too.”

At this, Shizuo finally raised his head a loosened his hold a little to look at his raven’s face. It was frustrated in a particular pouty way that Shizuo couldn’t help but adore. He was trying, but sticking firmly to his “I don’t have to pretend to be happy about it” policy. Whatever, Shizuo was happy, he’d beam like a lovestruck fool for the both of them. Which he did, vociferously.

“Wow, I almost couldn't find any hesitation. You sure you want to be saying that so easily? I could get used to it, you know.”

“Well you should. Today. Be ready for a return to the sensational snark of normalcy tomorrow.” Then, after a brief pause, like he had to mentally and emotionally brace himself, “Mostly. It wouldn’t kill me to say it now and then. On special occasions. Holidays. That I personally believe in. Which really leaves birthdays and New Year’s, but of course you won’t expect me to be made uncomfortable on my birthday. That would be just plain rude.”

“What I’m hearing from this is I get as many “I love you”s as I want today, my birthday and New Year’s. Right, love?”

“…Fiiiiiiinnneee, I love you. Now, breakfast.”

Shizuo moved into the kitchen, taking stock of the ingredients without ever letting Izaya leave his vision. The smile on his face never faltering, it occurred to him he might be reaching psycho, or Izaya, levels here. Eh.

“I love you Izaya.”

Izaya gave him a look that said “Are you fucking kidding me?” But of course Shizuo wasn’t. Hey, Izaya had set these rules, not him. And it was months until New Year’s.

Defeated, Izaya slumped forward, whole face in his hand now, with his other arm dangling at his side.

“I love you.”

“Shizuo.” His unrepentant boyfriend joyfully amended.

“I love you _Shizu-chan_.” Came the almost challenging love confession, bite and glare resurrected instantly.

“Enjoy it while you can, dolt. This is a one-time only offer on getting however many confessions you want without lethal retribution.”

Shizuo twisted a little to the side towards Izaya, dopey grin shifting into an almost smirk but still walking the line of innocent when he asks:

"...So, if today I were to ask for another love let-"

"NO.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this through! If you have any comments on it, I’d be more than happy to hear! If not, still happy you took the time to check it out, another Big Giant Thank You to you!


End file.
